“Why does it seem so hard? When will things calm down? How much more can I take? I’m getting nothing done, yet doing so much. How can this be?”
These are questions that have been coming up a lot recently in conversations I’ve been having with coachees and friends alike. I’ve heard stories of illness, despair, overwhelm, lack of energy, feeling stuck, and exhausting stress.
At the same time, I’ve had conversations with others who feel peaceful and balanced. It’s not that they aren’t experiencing the intensity of our times, but they are somehow surfing the waves rather than getting knocked down by them.
What’s the difference between one who surfs, and one who gets pummeled by the waves?
One is going with the flow, and the other is resisting it.
Flow is a sense of continuous movement toward a destination. When we are experiencing resistance rather than flow, there is a need either to overcome something and move through in order to move forward on the path, or to change course to a different path toward the destination. Whichever the case, we usually also feel discomfort, pain, longing or suffering when met with resistance. These feelings are modes of communication from our Soul. They are a sign of Soul-sickness.
Our Soul sends us messages through our emotions to let us know if it’s feeling well or not. When the Soul feels sick, we feel pain, separation, and longing. Our Soul is seeking continuous movement toward its destiny, which means it longs for the adventure, the unknown, and the wilderness to be explored. It is out of these dark, wild spaces that creation comes forth. And our Soul longs to create.
Unfortunately, our lower ego nature would have us believe that we would be more uncomfortable moving toward our destiny than resisting it.
Our ego says that it’s not ok to be in the wilderness without a clear path. Our ego says that the adventure is too scary because we don’t know what we’re doing or exactly where we’re going. Our ego believes that we should know before we act. Thus, it often interprets the Soul’s messages of discomfort as validation that it’s too hard to follow destiny’s path.
Sadly, all too often, we buy the story of our lower nature. We agree that it’s too hard, too stressful, too painful, or too risky. Then we go about searching and searching for other ways of doing things, other ways of knowing things, and other ways of traveling the journey, only to feel more and more Soul-sick with each step.
What if the lower nature is right AND the Soul is right?
Here’s what I mean. The ego or lower nature is simply our inner child, scared to death to step outside of its comfort zone because of the stories she received when she was young, or perhaps the stories that she came imprinted with such as those of ancestral lineage, history or karma. Perhaps those fears were completely justified and even needed for the survival of that child.
The Soul is seeking its adventure, determined to honor the commitment it made to realize itself and experience the fullness of life on Earth. It needs the adventure and the unknown in order to thrive.
If we allow both the Soul and the inner child to be “right,” then it is ok for us to experience barriers while also moving forward on our journey.
We’re going to meet the waves. It’s how we meet them that matters.
What if we approached resistance with open arms? What if we befriended it and communicated with it so that we could receive its message? Here are some ways to embrace resistance, and stay in the flow when meeting it.
Take a deep breath. Be present to the moment. Imagine creating a field of space around you into which nothing can come unless you invite it. Imagine that you have all the time and space you need to meet what’s in front of you. There’s no rush, and it’s all completely acceptable as it is. Step back for a bird’s eye view of the situation and expand your perspective to include limitless possibility.
Don’t assume you know what the resistance is all about. The moment you do is the moment you let it take you down. What are the messages being communicated to you?
Ask your inner child self what its fears and concerns are. Why is she afraid? What are the stories she believes in? The resistance is there for a reason. There is something our inner child is afraid of that causes it to want to make assumptions or jump to conclusions, and those fears require sincere attention. If left on her own without attention, the inner child wants to either run away, or keep going even while not on the right path.
Ask your Soul what it really needs. There’s a reason you are feeling pain or discomfort in the face of the resistance. What is your Soul longing to experience that it feels removed from? What does it care about most? There’s something on the other side of that resistance that your Soul really longs for, or it wouldn’t be feeling so upset. Really take the time and attention to ask, and to listen for the response. So many missed opportunities result from making assumptions and passing judgments in the face of challenges.
Once you’ve done your research by asking questions, you need to consider how you can get your inner child and your Soul on the same page.
It is the Soul’s longing that needs to be honored for you to feel continual movement and flow. Yet the inner child’s fears also must be honored. She wants to be heard. She wants to know she’ll be ok and taken care of.
More often than not, you realize that the fears and concerns your inner child feels apply to circumstances that are no longer real or valid. She might be afraid of speaking up because she will get hurt somehow in doing so, yet your Soul knows that you must speak up to move forward. This is when you get to connect to your inner Mother, and let that inner child know that you are going to stand by her and make sure she is ok. You might tell her that even though others might not like what she says, they no longer get to choose for her what is acceptable to speak. You can explain to her that your Soul is sick, and will begin to starve and die if you don’t help it along on its journey.
The reality is, your inner child is connected to your Soul. She is a part of your Soul that was squashed by cultural, familial or societal standards, expectations or norms. She actually wants to break free and move with your Soul. She wants alignment with your Soul and is seeking reunion. Your inner child just needs to know that you hear her, that she matters, and that you’ll comfort her if things don’t work out at times.
COURSE CORRECT OR NOT
Now that you have your inner child and your Soul on the same page, you will have much more clarity as to what’s next. You will either be able to keep moving forward on the same path, having overcome the fears that got in the way, or to course correct and choose another path that is more aligned with your Soul’s destiny. Either way, you’re still in the flow. You’re still moving forward.
Staying in the flow requires practice, and while life may often seem too challenging, full or complicated to take up one more practice, this one is critical.
It comes down to this. You can either stay full, wondering why things are so difficult and you can’t seem to get anywhere, or you can pause to create the spaciousness required to tend to your true needs. You can only escape your Soul’s calling for so long. Eventually the Soul-sickness will take over, often quite literally in the form of physical, emotional and mental ailments.
Are you ready for vibrant, radiant and joyful Soul connection?
I promised that I would share more about my new program. In the interest of empowering you to step into your strong role as wise leader, mother, and/or guide, I’ve created a 12 month program to nourish the Soul and help you experience the power you have within you.
Our Soul responds to rhythm and consistency. We become Soul-sick through consistent neglect. We nourish and heal our Soul through consistent attention. This is why the program will span the course of a full year.
Wouldn’t it be great to have a safe, nurturing space where you can connect with others, learn tools that will consistently move you forward toward what matters most, and, at the same time, feel relaxed and nourished? What if you also received personal attention to support you in finding more peace and alignment with your Soul?
This program, Woman to Woman, Mother to Mother: A Journey to Soul, offers you these things and more with:
~ Two monthly wisdom circles of like-minded women ready to journey to Soul, where you will receive support, tools and methods to navigate your journey most successfully.
~ One monthly one-to-one personal coaching session with me to address specific challenges you are experiencing and wish to transform.
~ The opportunity relax, knowing that you will be given complete notes and online content from each of our monthly wisdom and learning circles that you can review at your leisure, creating a ritual of self-care and expansion.
With this program, you will experience more flow, joy, vitality, peace, calm and alignment week by week. You will be supported and nurtured. You will enjoy deep connection with others. You will relate better to your loved ones. Most of all, you will feel more balanced, energized and empowered in your life as you move forward along your path.
I am opening this program to a limited number of women locally in Boulder, CO. Please contact me if you are interested in participating in this group and reserving your seat. Enrollment will open in September, and the program will begin in October.
If you are not local to Boulder, but would love to participate in a program such as this, please reach out to me to let me know, as I am also working toward a future online version which would include live webinars, and online video coaching calls.
Woman to Woman, I give you my hand, and I commit to walking this beautiful journey with you.