Are you nice or are you nasty?
Are you stuck in the tug of war between being too nice and fearing being unliked, versus being nasty to protect yourself from being hurt?
This article is about the ways in which we get stuck in the two extremes, whether in our judgment, in our mind, or even in our actions between nice and nasty.
Are you the “Nice Girl” or The “Nasty” One?
If you’re anything like me, you grew up feeling you’re not allowed to have a voice. You were always told to be kind, to be nice, don’t upset the apple cart, do the right thing, or be the good girl.
Then there’s the other side of this, the space where we end up feeling like we have to defend ourselves. We have to stay tough. We have to compete in this patriarchal dominance culture. We don’t want to let people know we have emotions and feelings, and we struggle, or we’re too soft.
We can end up on the nice or nasty side of the spectrum, and struggle to find our middle way.
If we’re too nice and we’re giving away everything and doing everything for everyone but ourselves, we’re not taking care of ourselves. We’re saying yes to things we don’t want to do. We’re afraid of being seen as nasty. We’re afraid other people are going to perceive us as not nice, unkind, rude, selfish or whatever it is.
However, if we’re on the other side, where we’re maintaining this posturing exterior, where we have to stay tough and “never let them see you sweat,” then it’s like we’re afraid of being too nice. We’re afraid of being seen as a pushover. We’re afraid we’re going to not be taken seriously.
Either way, we’re fearing the other no matter which side we’re on.
When we fear nice or nasty, we’re not allowing ourselves to look at what they’re really about.
We’re struggling to find that middle space of our empowered Self.
Find The Middle Way
We want to find that place where we can be loving, wise, kind, and allow for our emotions.
We want to allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel, because without doing so, those feelings fester inside of us, literally becoming things like cancer and other diseases. Many believe that unresolved emotions can lead to disease.
On the other side, we want to also be able to just say “No,” when we mean no, and set boundaries. When we have clear boundaries and are clear about what we need in addition to what others need, we’re better able to find the middle where we can have a broad perspective that’s not too nice or too nasty, but honors a balance.
It’s not at all nasty to say “No,” or to set your boundaries.
I’m using the word “nasty” as a kind of a visual, a way to paint a picture of the extremes we’re talking about here. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with setting your boundaries, and being clear about what you need and when you need it. Asking for help may be nice for you to invite other people in or let other people help you, instead of you doing it all yourself.
There are so many stories we tell ourselves that keep us from finding our center.
I’d love to hear in the comments, are you noticing some of these stories showing up in you? Are there places where you are on one side or the other?
Maybe you’re the nice girl that resents the empowered, confident woman who’s ready to move forward because she’s not nice in your view?
Or maybe you’re the empowered, confident woman trying to move forward, perhaps even selling her Soul a bit, and resenting the too nice person getting the help and support she needs?
Both “Nice” and “Nasty” Are a Part Of Us
We don’t want to resent either side. We want to understand that they’re both within us.
There are times when we’re going to need help. We’re going to need to express our emotions and we’re going to need to be softer.
There are times when we’re going to need to be firm, to set our boundaries, and even be more stoic without bringing emotionality into the picture. This is called emotional mastery.
Sadly, in our patriarchal dominance culture, there’s been this attitude that emotions of any kind in any way are unacceptable if you want to have success, power, or be taken seriously.
I invite you to ask yourself these questions:
What is nice and what is nasty to you?
How are you judging one or the other?
Are you making judgments about certain people with money or confidence or fame or position or power?
Are you making judgments about the underdogs who are always giving away everything and not nurturing themselves?
There’s a balance.
We often judge the things we need to find greater balance with for ourselves.
Rather than judging confidence or judging emotional expression, we can find a way to bring more of that confidence or more of that emotional expression into our lives, and find a greater balance within ourselves.
It’s not about being nice or nasty. It’s about being true to you, awakening your inner wisdom, and aligning with your True Nature.
For a video version of, Nice or Nasty: Which One Are You, watch here:
