What do you want?
This may seem like a really simple question, something we should all know, but sadly, in today’s culture of busyness, distraction and noise, we tend to be disconnected from what we really want.
Why You Don’t Know What You Want
The patriarchal dominance culture contains a great deal of dogma and many “shoulds” laid out for us, often implying or even directly saying it’s not okay to have desire. It’s not okay to have your own personal longings because that’s selfish. Patriarchal society, not just religious institutions, perpetuates this mindset on multiple levels, and unfortunately, we often internalize it.
Gradually, we find ourselves succumbing to the notion that we’re not entitled to our own aspirations or personal longings because doing so is perceived as selfish or frowned upon.
Compounding the issue is the historical suppression of the Sacred Feminine.
Over the years, women, who largely embody the Feminine, have faced immense oppression, resulting in their needs, wants, and longings being sidelined and disregarded. Many women have been conditioned to believe that their primary role is to cater to and nurture others, often neglecting their own needs in the process. Consequently, this creates the perfect storm, leading to a complete disconnection from our authentic desires and what truly belongs to us.
A Way to Hear What We Want
In the process of finding and aligning with what we want, we need to realize that the greatest gift we can give ourselves is to pause. Put our feet on the earth, connect to a tree, connect to our breath, connect to the sun and the sky, and listen.
Listen intently, not to the external clamor, but to the whispers of our own being.
What do we truly yearn for at the core of our being?
What are the profound desires that reside within us?
A Question to Explore What You Want
We can also ask ourselves, “What would I do if money, time, family, job, and obligations were not factors? What would be my truest path?”
I’m not suggesting that we recklessly abandon our responsibilities and dismiss our obligations. As parents, we have our children to care for, and as professionals, we have work-related commitments to fulfill. However, what I’m emphasizing is the importance of allowing ourselves to dream and to envision a life aligned with our deepest desires.
It’s about tuning in to what truly matters and exploring the inner landscape of your longings.
By delving into these uncharted territories, we can gain a clearer understanding of what our hearts truly yearn for.
Exercises to Get Clear on What You Want and Care About
Here are some exercises to help you tune in to what you want.
First, begin by compiling a list of what you don’t want.
It’s remarkable how every woman I’ve coached or conversed with possesses great clarity about what they wish to avoid. This is an excellent starting point, but it shouldn’t be the conclusion.
While it’s essential to acknowledge the things you don’t want, we should also engage in exercises that explore what we do want. One such exercise involves paying close attention to your emotions.
Your emotions act as valuable signposts, pointing towards what truly matters to you.
If a particular injustice or tragedy evokes a profound sense of outrage within you, it could signify a purpose or calling. It might be a gentle nudge, urging you to explore and engage with an issue that resonates deeply with your values.
Furthermore, we can delve into our longings. The ones we might hesitate to share with others. These are the hidden desires that often remain unspoken when we respond to the question, “How are you?” with a simple “I’m fine.”
Take a courageous look at what you genuinely long for, regardless of how unconventional or impractical it may seem to others, or even yourself.
Before you start dismissing possibilities with justifications of impracticality, I encourage you to explore what could be possible by simply listing them out.
What don’t you want?
Which emotions stir something within you, revealing what you truly value and care about?
What are the deeper longings that resonate with your Soul, even if they may seem outrageous or unrealistic?
By engaging with these questions, you’ll uncover insights into what genuinely matters to you and what you truly desire for your life and your Soul.
For a video version of, How to Figure Out What You Really Want In Life, watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_rpEJ7rD2I