Why Is Patriarchy Toxic for Both Men and Women? - Kim Marie Coaching

Why Is Patriarchy Toxic for Both Men and Women?

First and foremost, it’s essential to understand what toxicity entails. What does it mean to be toxic? This term is frequently used, but its significance should not be overlooked. 

To be toxic is considered to be poisonous or to be harmful in very pervasive or insidious ways. 

When something is insidious, it gradually unfolds over time, often going unnoticed. Unfortunately, our patriarchal dominance culture has precisely done that.

In this article, I delve into the reasons why patriarchy is toxic and what factors contribute to its toxicity. By gaining a deeper understanding, we can cultivate awareness. 

We must first recognize the toxic elements within our patriarchal dominance culture.

Patriarchal Dominance Culture Is All About Dominance and Control

At its core, patriarchal dominance culture revolves around the principles of dominance and control. 

This hierarchical structure thrives on perpetuating a relentless competition, often leading to a cutthroat environment where individuals are driven by the mentality of doing whatever it takes to reach the top. While a tenacious and persevering attitude is admirable, it becomes problematic when it comes at the expense of others, with an intention to control and dominate. This aspect of the culture embodies toxicity.

Toxicity, characterized by its poisonous and harmful nature, is inherently present in the concept of dominance and control. 

Even when we observe Nature, we witness the constant human endeavor to control it, resulting in the emergence of various toxic chemicals. The consequences of this control-centric mindset manifest in numerous harmful situations, be it within the realms of medicine, the environment, politics, or other areas.

We keep thinking we can control everything rather than working in collaboration with things.

Patriarchal Dominance Culture Is Excluding Women

Aside from the toxicity of dominance and control, which perpetuates competition and cutthroat exclusion, exclusion itself is another toxic aspect. 

The patriarchal dominance culture systematically excludes women, the Feminine essence, wisdom, and love. 

By neglecting and marginalizing these vital components, we deprive ourselves of a holistic, balanced, and harmonious life. The ability to work together, foster understanding, and comprehend the intricate workings of our world is compromised when we exclude these integral aspects. Instead, our sole focus becomes attaining a predetermined goal, often at the expense of all else.

This culture of exclusion further emphasizes why the dominant and controlling patriarchal culture is profoundly toxic.

Extremism Is Perpetuated In Patriarchy

Another thing that makes the patriarchal dominance culture toxic is extremism. 

It’s crucial to recognize that extremism often originates from patriarchal dominance. The Masculine qualities of focus and determination, when channeled in a healthy manner, can be beneficial for achieving goals, maintaining motivation, and staying on track until completion.

However, when taken to an unhealthy extreme, it drives individuals to prioritize their objectives at any cost, be it at the expense of others, their own well-being, or the environment. This shift marks the point where it becomes detrimental.

Extremism is intertwined with the notion that one’s personal perspective is the sole truth, and anyone who deviates from it is labeled as bad, wrong, or inferior. 

This perspective aligns with the dynamics of dominance and control as individuals become entrenched in their extreme views, disregarding alternative perspectives. 

Consequently, harm is inflicted upon those who hold differing views, preventing a holistic understanding and the ability to perceive from diverse vantage points. The narrow and exclusive focus becomes a barrier that pushes others away and pushes society towards extremes.

What has happened in our history with extremism?

Historically, extremism has led to grave consequences. It has spawned an intense righteousness that deems individuals with different viewpoints as undeserving of existence, rights, privileges, or equality. We end up with things like the Crusades, witch burnings, slavery, and so much oppression, like the Holocaust. 

These are acts of extremism that have come out of the toxicity of patriarchal dominance culture. That same extremism pushes us toward more competition. When we’re competing, that can go back to the concept of a cutthroat approach. We’re going do it at whatever extreme, no matter what it costs, whether it costs us personally, or whether it costs those around us. 

Extremism is a narrow view that keeps us stuck, and is so toxic to our human evolution. 

Patriarchy Rejects Holistic Lifestyle

Another aspect of toxicity in the patriarchy is that it’s an ever-increasing lack of health and well-being. 

When we take away a holistic approach, everything begins to become sick. This isn’t solely limited to an unhealthy, Masculine-dominated existence in a patriarchal culture, but also encompasses the emergence of sickness, extremism, and unwellness within the Feminine. It’s always all connected. 

We don’t want to go to extreme Feminism either. That’s not what this is about. I’m all about finding the balance. I’m not at all about the extreme hardcore feminism or the loosey-goosey goddessy kind of stuff that goes on. 

I want us to find our True Feminine Nature to allow for the Rising Feminine to come and balance the unhealthy Masculine, and bring health and wellness to both sides so that we can integrate them. When we have a patriarchal dominance culture that’s all about dominance, control, extremism, and exclusion, we end up unhealthy in so many areas. 

If toxicity is about bringing harm to something or being insidiously poisonous, we can see how unhealthy we are physically in our bodies, how unhealthy the soil is on the Earth, and how unhealthy the planet is.

Moreover, our systems, such as education, politics, and mental health, demonstrate a lack of well-being. Education is often centered around dominance, control, and competition, with an excessive focus on test scores. Politics, too, can be manipulated and driven by a cutthroat mentality, often lacking a sense of overall wellness and care for the people.

Mental illness reflects another facet of this lack of well-being, characterized by a distorted expression of the self, stemming from the toxic environment. In such circumstances, clarity of thought, behavior, emotions, and personal identity become obscured and muddled.

Patriarchal Dominance Culture Destroys Community and Encourages Separation

Another reason for the toxicity of the patriarchal dominance culture is that it destroys community.

Time and again, we witness communities coming together in the face of great adversity, such as natural disasters like storms, earthquakes, and hurricanes. During these moments, people unite, offering support and assistance to one another. However, within the framework of patriarchal dominance culture, this sense of community is often eroded when organizations like FEMA and similar entities step in to take charge and “save the day.” The reliance on external systems and authorities creates a perception that individual efforts are unnecessary since others will handle the situation. Consequently, community bonds weaken and disintegrate. I’m not saying organizational support is unimportant altogether, but if we rely on it at the expense of our own empowerment, we lose connection to others and ourselves.

Tragic events like the atrocities in Rwanda serve as chilling reminders of the destruction caused by patriarchal dominance. Soldiers are taught that if they go after the women, they’re destroying the community. The Masculine, feeling incapable of providing, protecting, and fulfilling its desired role, and the women, burdened by deflation, demoralization, and devastation, struggle to maintain the collective unity that the Feminine inherently embodies. The Feminine’s diffuse awareness and collaborative expression begin to crumble and falter.

However, we’re also seeing that there’s not really truth in that in the long run. In fact, when women are attacked, they rise up stronger than ever. This is the magic and the beauty of the Feminine Rising. It is here to counteract all of the toxicity in patriarchal dominance.

We have to recognize the toxicity in the Feminine as well. We have jealousy, manipulation, cattiness, the refusal to look at the shadow, and the longing to be competing and in dominance instead of collaborating and connecting. That’s what can happen to the Feminine when we get caught in that toxicity. 

The beauty is that the Rising Sacred Feminine is helping us to balance and bring the healthy Feminine forth. 

Misogyny Is Perpetuated, Even by Women

While there are numerous aspects of toxicity that could be discussed, it’s important to shed light on some of the most significant ones that demand our attention. These insidious elements permeate our society, and one of the most prevalent among them is misogyny, the hatred toward women, or the Feminine. 

Sadly, women have often become the biggest perpetrators of misogyny. 

I’ve seen it happen again and again where women, instead of holding within their own power and empowerment, will defer to men to give away their power. Does that mean men or the Masculine doesn’t have something to offer? Absolutely they do. But if we’re deferring to it rather than consulting it, there’s a big difference.

Moreover, there’s a prevailing attitude that when faced with two individuals offering their perspectives—for instance, a woman and a man—many women instinctively gravitate toward listening to the man because it’s what we’ve been trained to do. It’s what we’ve been programmed to do and we don’t even realize it. The toxic patriarchy is living within us and we don’t even notice the subtleties that live within us that cause us to revert to old patterns that say, “The woman must not know as much. Let’s listen to the man.” That’s a subtle way in which this can happen. 

Recognizing these subtle occurrences within ourselves is crucial. We must examine our own behaviors and identify instances where we perpetuate toxicity. 

Are we being toxic, extremist, exclusive, dominating, or controlling? Are we competing instead of collaborating? By not understanding or recognizing our own roles in perpetuating these harmful patterns, we betray our own Feminine Nature. 

Continuously subscribing to the patriarchal dominant narrative only strengthens the insidiousness of this toxicity.

Everything has been based on this for thousands of years. We have a long way to go to fully evolve beyond it, but we’re getting there, and we can feel the Feminine Rising. 

We can see the Sacred Feminine in some of the newer movements and new ideas of the way things can happen. We’re seeing new movements and education in all realms of society. 

We need to look at ourselves and see where we’re perpetuating patriarchal toxicity. Maybe we ourselves are bringing forth some of that misogyny and we ourselves are not trusting other women, largely because we’re probably not trusting ourselves. 

Share in the comments your thoughts about what you see as toxic in patriarchy and how you think we might move beyond it. I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

For a video version of, Why Is Patriarchy Toxic for Both Men and Women?, watch here: 

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