Breathing Into the Sacred Feminine - Kim Marie Coaching

Breathing Into the Sacred Feminine

Summer’s Emptying Out-Breath

I feel like I’m finally coming up for air. I’d not previously experienced the Summer months as being a time for deep inner work, but for me, this year was intense. 

We often think of Summer as the out-breath, a time of relaxing, vacationing, ripening, and playing. While I experienced much of that, I also came face to face with old patterns, shadows and saboteurs, yet in the best of ways. 

Why the best of ways? In facing my depths, I experienced a clearing within me that is beyond words. 

I’ve been feeling raw, as if years of bandaids have been torn off of wounds I didn’t even realize were still covered. 

Our journey of inner development is ever spiraling, inward and outward, diving deep into our depths, and then bringing our new learning out into the world to benefit others. 

The biggest challenge is finding balance so that we’re not too attached to either process, and dynamically dancing between the inner and outer expressions of our being. 

Deep learning and inner work has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. The deeper I go, the higher I rise, and…the harder I fall when it’s time to go deep again. 

My Summer was an initiation into finding the steadiness I’ve longed for, a sense of balance, a capacity to remain more neutral to the highs and the lows. 

The out-breath of summer is meant to be a release, and I’ve spent far too much time seeking the in-breath rather than relaxing into a space of surrender. I never fully honored how uncomfortable, yet how incredibly important the Summer ripening is. I’ve preferred the deep dives of the Autumn and Winter months, and shied away from the discomfort that Spring and Summer bring for me. I’ve clung to the ability to hide away from much of what I find painful in the world, using my inner work, or a limited idea of out-breathing as an excuse to stay removed from it. 

Summer ripening can be a teaching in surrender, just as much as the season of Advent can be. 

While the year has its seasons of in-breathing and out-breathing, in reality, we’re constantly in dynamic movement between the two. We need only stay conscious of all that we’re being shown, and be willing to allow discomfort through the learning.

The Insidious Nature of Patriarchal Dominance

If you’ve followed my work for a while, you know I have a big passion for navigating extremes, finding a middle way if interweaving that allows us to feel steady and strong. We might think of these extremes as dark and light, left and right, pro and anti, and so many other ways we see extremism playing out. 

Learning to find greater neutrality in our response to the heights and the depths of our experiences is a powerful tool for finding our empowered self and releasing attachment. 

In a patriarchal dominance culture, we’re taught to be “on” 24/7. Stay strong. Keep going. Make things happen. Stay in control. Don’t let them see you sweat. Don’t mess up. Push through. Feel good. Stay happy. Don’t get down.

No wonder we like the heights so much!

Something interesting I’ve seen in both my clients and myself is that many of us as women aren’t learning this from our fathers. We’re learning the non-negotiable requirement to be “on” or “feel good” all the time from our mothers. 

The feminine has been so repressed and disdained for so long, that our mothers have adopted patriarchal dominance behaviors to survive. 

This gets passed on for generations. The trauma of our ancestors is in our DNA, and Much of my mission in life is to heal this DNA within me while helping others to do the same for themselves. 

It’s time for us as women to break these ties, awaken inner wisdom, and connect with the Sacred Feminine. 

This Summer felt like I was dredging the river of my being, truly getting to the bottom of many patterns and habits. 

Yes, the Summer is a time for out-breathing, yet when you’re submerged in the river, you can only breathe out for so long before you need an in-breath, and in order to do that, you must come up for air.

Sometimes, life teaches us to hold our breath for a much longer time than is comfortable; not holding in the patriarchal dominance ways that resist, pretend, or keep us from things, but holding in ways that say, “Stay with this feeling. Be with these emotions. Notice what’s happening. Ride the waves of the discomfort and relax into it. Let go of the full breath before breathing in again.”

When I was training as a competitive swimmer, our coach would ask us at the end of practice, when we were completely exhausted, to swim the length of a 25 yard pool underwater without coming up for air. I quickly learned that the only way to do it was to relax. I would go deep, and skim the bottom of the pool with gentle, gliding strokes, a relaxed face, and eyes softly open. Once I learned to relax and “hug the bottom,” I got to the other end fairly easily. Eventually, I even turned around at the end while still underwater and made it back to where I started without any in-breath. 

In order to do the deep inner work, we must learn to “hug the bottom” of our own depths, relax into all that is being dredged up, and embrace it as our own. 

My mother now has Dementia, and visiting her this summer in NY was the first time in my entire life that I’ve seen her relax, truly surrender, and simply “be.” She was the ultimate perfectionist, and hyper critical when I was growing up. She’d spend hours in the bathroom getting “ready,” leaving no hair out of place. “What was she getting ready for that required such attention?” I used to wonder as a child. 

When I first saw a photo of her that my sister sent, a flood of emotion washed over me. There in that photo was the mother I’d always seen, but couldn’t find behind the perfected makeup, hair, clothes, and housekeeping. I spent most of my life longing for the mother I knew was inside, behind the veil.

My own feelings of motherlessness generated my own versions of control, perfectionism, and not letting go. While I wasn’t doing these things in the same way my mother did, oh how they have been there. The lower nature is tricky that way!

We need to consider how our own wounds perpetuate patriarchal dominance, and seek to heal them. 

As I came to see my own versions of insidiously perpetuating patriarchy, I came to understand the many stories that’ve held me back in my life.

I left NY feeling a sense of complete release, as if I was leaving behind decades of conditioned stories, ways of being, and unhealed wounds. I felt a tremendous deepening connection with the Sacred Feminine, finding greater nourishment in Nature, stories, creativity, and the moon. 

A Healthy Attachment

After multiple surgeries to “fix” an umbilical hernia, I was finally helped two years ago in a way that was sustainable, but at the cost of losing my belly button. I lost the symbolic point of connection to my familial Mother, and I believe my painful journey is what sent me even deeper to strengthen my point of connection to the Great Mother. 

Upon returning from my visit to NY this Summer, a visit that had me dredging the river of my being and seeing the many ways I’d been attached to certain ways of being, doing, feeling, etc., I was empty.

In our emptiness, we’re primed for full connection with the Great Mother.

I felt tender and raw, and longed to be held. I found that holding laying upon the Earth, swimming in the creek, hiking in the mountains, listening to the rain, and paying more attention to my inner cycles and rhythms. I’m currently enjoying a wonderful book called Lunar Abundance*, offering me even more ways of relating to the moon and my inner feminine nature. 

I meditated upon the idea of a new etheric umbilical cord connecting me from the center of my being to the Great Mother and all of her sustaining nourishment. I highly recommend this powerful exercise!

Now, as we turn toward the in-breathing phase of the year, I find myself breathing deeply and slowly taking in the rich sustenance of life. Having released so much in the out-breathing of Summer has primed me for receiving all that the Sacred Feminine has to offer. 

Working on this year’s Sacred Nights of Winter journal, with its theme of Connecting with Sacred Feminine, has been the perfect project for me in my state of emptiness, and I personally think it’s the best journal yet! 

I’m also thrilled that my April 2023 Women’s Nature Retreat theme is aligning with the Sacred Feminine. I set the journal and retreat themes in the Spring, before I knew all that would unfold through the year. Oh how the Great Mother knows exactly what’s needed for us to fully connect with Her!  

May you find your Sacred Feminine roots and connect with Her deeply, in turn finding the empowered woman within you. 

*Note: Link is an Amazon affiliate link.

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